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Tim’s embarrassing situation displayed for all the public to see

Tim’s a nice guy, a real Gentleman. He’s the kind of guy you meet who seems quiet at first but once he open’s up you find there’s plenty beneath the lid. I’m not talking double over head cams or sub woofers – he’s a smart fella and knows how to make you laugh. I was not at all surprised when I received a text message asking me to join him for a pint on Wednesday night. I was surprised however to learn he wanted to go to the walkabout, an uber-cheesy chain bar in the Omni centre that’s popular with travellers who don’t know where to go yet and locals who should no better. I reread the text message and it all made sense “Shitty bar but there’s a bikini comp on”.

Now I can’t say I regularly watch flesh fairs, but I was gutted that the gig I had been looking forward to all week (DJ Dexter of The Avalanches fame) was actually next Wednesday, and dang I wanted a pint, so I said I’d come along. Now I was surprised when I arrived at the Walkabout to find that Tim had bought along two Swedish girls he’d met at the Caledonian Backpacker’s Hostel. I’m not saying that Tim has no idea with the ladies and I know Scandinavians are renowned for being liberal when it comes to the disrobing of the human figure, but would you bring two travellers you’d just met to a bikini contest?? It seems Tim’s gentlemanly ways had backfired and caught him in a difficult situation.

Te he he.

I arrived at the pub and met the assembled crew, making small talk with the Swedes until the show’s scheduled start at 9:30. Surely the display would be cause for nought but a few laughs? Wrong. Much to Tim’s embarrassment, the Swede’s shock and my utter amusement, the ‘girls’ took to the stage and promptly set about removing their entire costumes, shaking their wobbly bits and opening their legs to display areas of their body where even doctors fear to explore. These were skilled dancers, but they weren’t no ballerinas if you know what I mean! The awkward silences were broken only by the sounds of hoots of the crowd and me cackling maniacally beneath my breath. The way the situation had unfolded and landed poor Tim right in it was just too funny. Because I had come along, ostensibly unaware that the contest was on, I was just another innocent victim of this perverted bar, while Tim was the twisted sex-fiend. Thank God there were only five girls and two were disqualified (for showing too much!), so it was a short show. Within an hour we had left this den of depravity and moved on to the far more upmarket, respectable surrounds of a first year Uni students foam party. But that’s tomorrow’s installment.

Oh and no, I didn’t take any photos you filthy perverts.